To All the Ones Who Thought They Knew Me Best, A Test to Prove Your Prowess [entries|friends|calendar] [[ kimm ]] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Wednesday December 3 08 12:32pm] the last few months have been full of ups and downs, however, most of the days now i find myself quite content, quite calm with the way life is going. i learn something new about life each day. this is a wonderful feeling, i've never felt so enlightened and so ignorant at the same time. i feel like a proclaimed genius and a child at the same time, and i love it. school is going moderately well. i am not failing any classes, and won't receive anything lower than a c. i had to drop my logic class because it was too many demanding, difficult classes to handle, and i'm glad i did. being a part-time student is too nice. next semester will consist of an online environmental ethics class, and ceramics, art history, and the much anticipated glass fusing. i'm only there three days a week for four hours at the most. i'm so very excited for the end of this semester, the month break, and the beginning of a semester of classes i'm truly excited and passionate for. the switch from majoring in psychology to art was probably the best decision i could make. work is a handful, but i love a few of my co-workers so much. we know it's hell, and we make the best of it. this might include picking on other odd co-workers as if we were in high school, or passing a bowl around in the dairy cooler. i feel as if i really am in high school when i work, but it's just so fun. i think people need to make the best of every situation, and we do it with humor and drug use. i am finally realizing what a good life i really do have. i have the most wonderful person in the world that loves me, and i love him, and i feel closer to pursuing my dream of becoming an art teacher every day, and i can actually make something as hellish as working in a grocery store actually entertaining. i'm actually quite happy, yes sir indeed. meep 0 | boop

[Friday August 8 08 1:00pm] the other night i had a bit of what you'd call an epiphany, i suppose. i've decided i'm done leading a life i secretly regret. i hate knowing people judged the shit out of all of the things i've done. literally hearing people say such cruel things about me behind my back woke me up. yes, i am those, and no, i will try not to be that anymore. however, i know what i want to be. i want to be strong, i don't want emotions to take control of me anymore, they only get me into more trouble. i want to be cautious in all aspects of my life, i don't want to get used, i don't want to be stepped on like i have in the past. i want to gain back some self-respect i've lost in the last year and use it to my advantage. i want people to say, "hey, i really wouldn't fuck with her, she will destroy you". because i'm sick, sick, sick, of letting myself get fucked around with. this isn't exactly the change i was hoping for this summer, but it is still change, and i'm still very, very happy. i've set my goals, and i'm going to make myself proud. nobody else, just me. meep 0 | boop

[Friday June 27 08 11:30am] [ music | "my first kiss at the public excecution" -the blood brothers ] my raise finally came about a week ago. it was amazing. and other than work, my life is fairly boring. meep 0 | boop

[Saturday May 24 08 12:38am] you effing said it. meep 0 | boop

[Monday March 31 08 1:24pm] [ music | "my favorite accident" -motion city soundtrack ] i am extremely irritated with this snow. god, i hate it. i just feel like a bubbling piece of shit today. all my thoughts are negative and cynical, and i lack motivation to do my portrait drawing assignment that is due tomorrow. i tried, but i became quite furious with how terrible it was coming along. god. what the hell is wrong with me? ever since i got home last night i've been doing nothing but beating myself up for being so stupid and naive. i am just a incompetent 19 year old girl who has no idea where her place in society is. but i suppose i am in good company, yes. i feel so needy for people. i miss being able to confide in just one person like i used to. i have so much to say... so much to say... yet i feel as if nobody is obligated enough to truly listen. i miss having that connection with someone. being there for someone, someone being there for you. someone you can completely open up to, share every single ounce of your soul to them, and they love you even more after knowing every single irrational fear and flaw. and you can fall asleep next to them and wake up to them, oh how lovely would that be... i have so much on my mind it is starting to weigh me down so much i can't even concentrate on classes anymore. i can't concentrate on much, only what makes me anxious. meep 0 | boop

[Saturday March 15 08 12:36am] today marks day one of exploring myself in hopes of finding what makes me truly happy. because the sex, the drugs, and the complete denial of a problem is not doing it. wish me luck. meep 0 | boop

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